my body
Friday 7 April 2017
it's getting warmer here in europe and we all know what it means.. we're going to show some skin here and there, and it can be challenging at times. i often get this question about how i manage to be this comfortable with my body, how can i roam around town braless with either a flowy top or dress or a skin tight one. well let me tell you my friends, it's been quite a journey, a tough and long journey but i am slowly but surely getting there and for nothing in the world would i go back!
i must start to tell you that i might be confident with my body, yet i still have insecurities i struggle with. as said before the road is long and tough. to start off, my chest has been probably the biggest insecurity i had! as you might have noticed, i am very flat chested, like super flat chested! for years i hated myself for not having bigger titties, i even started being angry at my mother for giving me those "small boobs" genes (small breasts are running in my mum side). and i am not going to lie to you, i have thought about surgery a lot! i got over it and accepted the fact that my breast was the way it was at around 17-18.. i was in college (HS for US) and discovered the pleasure and bliss of living life without having to wear a bra! ever since, i can't stop thanking my family genes for that gift, (because yes everything that has been given to me i see them as gifts).. plus i had found out about so many cool benefits of having itty bity titties that i couldn't find anything to complain about. also with my petite frame, bigger boobs would have looked weird and even horrible on me.
i wasn't nice to my body for many many years. i've had an eating disorder and it was not the funniest time ever. i've put my body through some horrible and tough diets, i exhausted it, i just wasn't kind with it. you never get over an eating disorder by clapping your fingers, it's a long road you have to be willing to take to recovery. i am now on this road, it can be hard at times to keep going straight on that road, but i owe this to my body. i owe my body so much for keeping me alive until this day, for not giving up on me when it could have, for just sticking around and proving me that i am fine the way i am. i have struggled and still struggle with my body image but i keep reminding myself that my body is the one fueling me everyday so i can keep breathing, speaking, moving and just living. to finish off i want to mention this quote that i had read one day on tumblr and stood out to me up until now:
"and i said to my body, softly, 'i want to be your friend'.
it took a long breath and replied, 'i've been waiting my whole life for this' "
